A Little Girl Lost

Archive for the ‘fear’ Category

Chaos

When I left my home at seventeen, I was alone. I experienced fear in my ability to function in daily life. I had been a member of a family, a group of people focused only on day-to-day survival. 

Our dynamics changed frequently but we were together wherever we were.

Six members then five as our family fractured.
Ten with a stepparent and four more children.
Nine as one graduated and moved out.
Eleven as the one returns with a baby.
We moved often.
An old house in town until it burned.
A new trailer for five rose from the ashes.
A larger trailer for ten in the country.
An old farmhouse not far down the road.
The garage of an old gas station.
With all its smells.
A milk cow and calf indoors.
With their more pungent odors.
A school bus converted to living quarters.
Life in bottoms along a creek.
Fishing and hunting for food to eat.
Living off the land.
A farmhouse across the creek.
Dry and dusty manure shoveled out.
The floor bleached.
We moved in.
We were together wherever we were.
Yet I knew it was time for me to go.
Alone and vulnerable.
Harm came my way.
Emotions stinted in time.
Hardhearted to survive.
Chaos.
Bought by the blood of Jesus.
Continuous feeding on God’s Word.
Broke the yoke of my fear.
And set my feet on solid ground.
My family is now much larger and filled with love for me. God is my Father and my brothers and sisters in Christ are innumerable. Leaning on Jesus, I have peace and joy beyond understanding.
“Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?” Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm” (Mark 4:38, 39 NKJV).
In Christ,
Berta
Please Share and read “Little Girl Lost”? http://www.bertadickerson.com

Image courtesy of worradmu at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Advertisements

Earl Would Tell You


Earl would tell you how angry I was when we were introduced.

Sitting at the nurses’ station one afternoon I saw him. Tall with dark wavy hair and wearing a blue lab coat, he was walking away down the hall. 
I leaned toward the nurse I was working with and said, “Ralph, do you see that guy?”
“Yeah?”
“I’d like to go out with him.” Now, I never dated men I worked with, and I guarded my private life at work. My heart skipped a few beats. How could I think this, let alone say it out loud.
“Haven’t you met Earl? He’s the chaplain,” Ralph said.
Raising my hands as a shield, I said, “Chaplain? Never mind! I don’t want anything to do with a preacher.” There was no room in my life for a Jesus freak to tell me how to live.
When Earl came back up the hall Ralph called him over, “Earl, this is Bert.”
Earl looked me in the eye, “Hi.”
“Hi.” I looked away. How am I supposed to talk to a chaplain?
Earl worked days and I worked afternoons, and he began calling and inviting me to eat supper with him in the cafeteria. We talked. I told him about my three-year-old daughter, Kari. I tried to explain why I’d left her with her father when we divorced but couldn’t. I filled him in on my nightly escapades at The Caravan—my bar. Maybe I was trying to shock him, but I learned he grew up in North Memphis and had his own stories to tell.
He was a seminary student at Candler School of Theology of Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia. He was doing an internship in Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) there at Methodist Hospital Central in Memphis. I didn’t know what any of that was, and I didn’t ask.
Early in my shift one afternoon in late August, Earl came to see me without calling. “Can you come out by the elevators for a minute?” he asked. We stood alone, “My internship is over and I’m going back to seminary.”
With my arms folded over my chest I asked, “When are you leaving?”
“My car is already packed and ready to pull out. I wanted to say good-bye.”
“When are you coming back?”
“I haven’t decided whether or not I am coming back.”
We hugged for the first time. A moment. And he got on the elevator and was gone.
I didn’t understand what I felt as I remembered his arms around me. The dam burst and tears poured from eyes that had been dry for many years. I told myself I didn’t care about him.
In Christ,
Bert(a)
Please Share

You Are Worthy

One thing holding you captive right now is your belief that you are not worthy of God’s forgiveness and therefore your inability to forgive yourself.


I felt guilty and unlovable when I met Jesus. That guilt held me back. When Christian friends shared their stories of sin and redemption with me the Holy Spirit began to minister to my brokenness. He set my feet on the path to righteousness.

My struggle continued though—with a fear of man. What would my Sunday school class think if they knew about my past? Can I tell the truth and still be a part of the church?

The truth is that what man thinks is of no consequence to my life—or yours. The only fear we are to harbor is for God. To do what is right before Him. To love and have faith that He will carry us through the trials and tribulations of this life. His Son died that we may live and live life to the fullest.

What is holding you back? A piercing? A tattoo? A withered arm? Are you a single parent? Divorced?

Whatever it is, it isn’t too big for God. Nothing is. Your guilt and fear can be lifted.

Don’t fear God’s judgement for your sin. Confess and accept God’s forgiveness.

O For A Thousand Tongues to Sing
Charles Wesley

“He breaks the power of cancelled sin,
He sets the prisoner free:
His blood can make the foulest clean:
His blood availed for me.”

“He speaks – and listening to his voice,
New life the dead receive;
The mournful, broken hearts rejoice;
The humble poor believe.”

“Blessed are those whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord will never count against them.” (Romans 4:7, 8 NIV).

“Therefore, my brothers and sisters, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you” (Acts 13:38 NIV).

In Christian Love,
Berta

If this devotion blessed you, would you consider sharing it with your friends?

Heaven’s Loss

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6 KJV).

Here we are at Advent again. We’re waiting and preparing for the birth of God’s Son, the Christ Child. He gave up glory on His majestic throne to come to earth, fully man yet fully God. He was acknowledged as the Christ while still in a virgin’s womb.

Born in a stable. Laid in a manger. Serenaded by angels. Gifted by kings.

This wasn’t the beginning for In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God (John 1:1 KJV).

Earl and I have a print by Ron DiCianni called “Heaven’s Loss.” Focusing on the Christ Child lying in a manger, an archangel leans over Him as to have one last look.

His humanity was for our sake. For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost. (Luke 19:10 KJV).

I am overwhelmed by Gods’ goodness. Though I deserve nothing I have everything. In His mercy and grace and by His life, death, and resurrection I have eternal life without fear or guilt or shame.

My prayer is that you too know Him and His love.

In Christ Alone,
Berta

%d bloggers like this: