A Little Girl Lost

Archive for the ‘burden’ Category

I Don’t Exist

“I can do so little for myself. Each morning I’m bathed, dressed and set in my wheelchair. My seatbelt is buckled snugly to prevent me from falling out on the floor. My lap tray is set in place and my splints are strapped on my wrists. Then I’m fed like a baby.
“I cry a lot. Then they have to dry my eyes and wipe my nose.
“I am so unhappy. I don’t know the person who is living in this body. I often wonder, ‘Who am I?’ ‘What can I do?’ ‘Why am I alive?’ ‘Is this a life worth living?’
“I feel like such a burden to Earl. He takes me everywhere he can because he can’t leave me alone at home for very long. How must he feel? Does he ever wish he had taken up that doctor’s offer to let me die?
“I’m lost, confused, and disoriented. A conversation is too much. ‘What am I talking about?’ ‘Did I just repeat myself?’
“Clarity is gone. Confusion is depressing. I close my eyes and shut out the world.
“I have no future, no hope, and no faith. I have nothing to look forward to so I go to bed thinking about not waking up tomorrow.
“How sweet that would be.”
These thoughts filled my mind for years after my injury. People who loved me encouraged me. They gave me opportunities to get involved in the church. I failed often and realized I had much to learn.
I couldn’t live my life on my own terms as a quadriplegic. I had to let God in and ask His forgiveness for my part in the wreck. I needed His strong arms to hold me on difficult days. And carry me on my worst days.
I needed my family no matter how much I wanted to be alone. I had no choice in what had to happen to live each day. My disability brought challenges to everyone who knew me.
God healed my broken heart and renewed my spirit (Psalm 51:10 NIV). He gave me a will to live and a new and abundant life as a witness to His love and grace.
Are you tired of trying to get better or do better and failing to do it on your own? There are no requirements—just talk to the One who is the Healer of all infirmities.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30 NIV).
Father, I pray for the person reading this devotion. I ask your open arms be filled with this person and he/she will be filled with Your peace, love, and healing. In Jesus Name, Amen
In Christ,
Berta
You can contact me at berta.dickerson@gmail.com

Bear One Another’s Burdens…

When Earl married me, he adopted our daughter, Kari; and his father adopted me. We are family. This is a prime example of God’s family: If you belong to Jesus, and I belong to Jesus, you are my brother or sister. And family, I need you to pray.
 
 
I know you already pray for Earl and me, but I’m asking you today to pray specifically for our health. Most of you are aware of my pressure sore and the long battle we’ve been fighting to get it healed. During this battle, I have become physically weak, spiritually dry, and emotionally lonely.
 
I miss being with my small groups (United Methodist Women, Crosstalk Sunday school class, W.I.S.E. –Women’s Inspirational Study Experience—etc.) in fellowship and in ministry. Ministry that I believe God called me to. Likewise, this situation is affecting Earl.
 
I need healing prayer for my mind, body, soul and spirit. I’ve gone through deep valleys of depression, anger, and self-pity and I don’t want to go back there again. Sing God’s praise and pray for His strength to carry Earl and me through this trial that we may able to minister in His name.
 
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2 ESV).
 
“Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven” (Matthew 18:19 NIV).
 
Will you pray with me now? Father, we thank you for the gifts of family, fellowship, and Christian community where we can reach out in troubled times. Help us to live in Your love and grace; gifts we cannot earn because You give them freely. Thank You for the Blood that washes us white as snow and the salvation it represents. Send Your Holy Spirit to heal Your people. In Jesus name, Amen
 
In Christian Love,
Berta
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